Wordless Wednesday - the "WWJD?" Edition

Wedding Entrance in style

Uh oh

Signs your 2 1/2 year old kid is going to grow up to be a mass murderer:

When he is trying to cut the cat's neck off with a toy saw.

When he is outside playing by himself with a toy rake yelling "BYE BUG BYE BUG BYEEEE!" as he is scraping rolley polley bug guts into the concrete patio.

Should I be worried?
lol

Friendly Blingy Goodness

This award is given to the writers of blogs that “are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement." Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

Miss TxPoppet (Joie) herself over at Canned Laughter awarded this sweet little nugget to me and in turn I will award it to 8 of you (in no particular order):

1. Adventures in Motherhood
2. Sensibly Sassy
3. Screaming Shrew
4. Monstergirlee's Pic of the Day
5. Left Brained:Right Brained
6. Snooty Primadona
7. Finding Fairy Tales
8. Amanda Patrice Photography

Jon and Kate + 8 YouTube Parody

Summer time

means frolics in the sprinklers and wearing Superman Pj's.

We're all a pro at something

You know what I'm a pro at?
Cooking food with the wrapper still on it. Cause nothin' says momma's home made like biting into a crunchy, chewy piece of plastic.
I'm making Rice a roni right now (the San Fransisco treat) and we'll be enjoying a little added fiber to our side dish tonight. And that fiber will be butter paper. Cause I be a gourmet cook like that.
And you know what I add to cookies? Eggshells.

What are you a pro at?

Wordless Wednesday - the "This is why I had kids" Edition

"Why my mommy SUCKS" by The Kid

My mommy was trying to take a picture of the gigantic strawberry: But I wanted it:
But she wouldn't give it to me!: I got sad:
But I didn't give up trying!:















lol

It all comes out smooth in the end

You know, before you have kids nobody tells you the truth about being a mom. And by the "truth" I mean the amount of shit you have to deal with. R E A L shit.
Take for example my kid. He crapped in the backyard last week. IN THE BACKYARD. Why? Who knows. Well, the only one that really knows is him. But he's not telling.
And don't get me started on poopie diapers. I am so tired of changing poopie diapers. Who invented diapers? Sure, it's convenient to not have shit in your backyard, but holy damn. Shitty diapers are the worst. Just take my word for it (if you're not a mom). I can't tell you how many times I've considered taking my kid to a gastrointestinalgynocolonist to examine his poop, cause man, this shit can't be normal.
My kid came in the house this morning covered in dog shit. COVERED. IN. DOG. SHIT. I was so grossed out and he thought it was sooooo funny. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a total amateur as I was sumo gripping his tiny little arm with one hand and ripping off his poo clothes with the other hand all while trying to cover my nose with my shoulder and not letting his grubby little shit hands touch anything.
I can honestly say that there is always some sort of poo particles on me at all times. Between the dog and the kid and the cats I am one big fat walking poo germ. It's gross and I'm tired of shit.

Extra Soap

You know what I love?
When you're filling your soap dispenser and you momentarily blank out and in result get all crazy with squeezing and ya overfill the dispenser with soap on accident. Then you're left with the dilemma of what to do with all that extra soap. Well, I'm a cheap skate and a conserver at heart so in cases like these I FREAK OUT. I don't want to waste the soap but I only have two hands and I don't need THAT much soap.
So you know what I do? I start washing everything in site. I'm like "hey kid! get in here it's bath time" then I'm all "hey dog! get in here it's bath time" then I'm like "hey husband! you're 30 years old now-get in here it's bath time".
The cats are smart...cause they run and hide.

Happy Moms Day

I hope you have a great day!

Are any of these true?

When placed in warm milk, raisins re-plump into grapes.
The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.
Eskimos don’t believe in bridges or tunnels.
Every sixteen minutes, someone named Richard dies.
Billy Bob Thornton’s grandfather was the first person to own a television.
Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined.
On a dare, former President Rutherford B. Hayes declared war on Chile for 17 minutes.
The original title for Catcher in the Rye was Hey, Look, a Carousel!
Professionals call the top socket on an electrical outlet the “Martha,” and the bottom socket the “Jasmine.”
In the archives at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C., there are two identical snowflakes preserved in a freezer.
Three out of every ten nickels has been in someone’s mouth.
If you hold one nostril closed for 72 hours, you will slowly lose the ability to see color. (Your sight will instantly return to normal when you release your nostril.)
Wave a magnet at the lower left corner of a vending machine to receive a free soda.
The glossy paper from the backs of stickers can be used to soothe sunburn.
To be a train conductor, you have to cut off one of your own toes during a loyalty ritual.
The Z in Jay-Z’s name stands for “Zeppidemus.”
Jean shorts were invented three weeks prior to the invention of regular jeans.
Whispering instead of talking on cell phones saves significant battery power.
In Austria, the traditional Christmas colors are not red and greed, but purple and clear.
Benjamin Franklin coined the phrase “Baby Mama” in a satirical poem published in Poor Richard’s Almanac.
If you take the first letter of each word in the Monopoly board game instruction manual, they spell out an X-rated sentence.
The original name for the laptop computer was “Hinged Smart Slab.”
The average person inhales 3 pounds of spider webs in his or her lifetime.
When first introduced to the public, plastic laundry baskets cost $75 each.
Winnie the Pooh started out as a non-fiction account of mental illness.
Reading backwards for twenty minutes burns the same amount of calories as walking a half-mile.
The Q in Q-tips stands for “quantum,” as the small bit of cotton on the tip contains more atoms than the entire human body.
Revolving doors were first invented as a way to keep horses out of department stores.
Peru and the moon weigh the same amount.
Human beings and anteaters are the only animals that can snap their fingers.
If you soak a baseball hat in coke, and then let it dry on someone’s head, over a 3-hour period the hat will shrink with skull-denting force, causing intense pain and irreparable damage.
Clouds cannot travel south southwest.
In sign language, there are 72 ways to say “drawbridge.”

Wordless Wednesday